


Distant Memories and Fading Scars

by TheBlackQueen13



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi has a dark past, Akaashi is kind of broken, Akaashi needs a hug, Akaashi plays violin, Alpha Bokuto Koutarou, Alpha Iwaizumi Hajime, Alpha Kuroo Tetsurou, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, And a introduction class on friendships, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bokuto Koutarou is a Dork, Bokuto helps fixes him, Bokuto is a good alpha, Bokuto is whipped, Confusion, Homophobic Language, How Do I Tag, I may be forgetting tags, Kuroo being a good bro, M/M, Mild Language, Omega Akaashi Keiji, Omega Kozume Kenma, Omega Oikawa Tooru, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining! Bokuto, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swearing, kind of, light angst?, possible smut???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 13:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7802860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackQueen13/pseuds/TheBlackQueen13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was there that he would met someone who would slowly heal the wounds he couldn’t. </p><p>He was a first year at Fukurōdani Academy when he met alpha Bokuto Koutarou.</p><p>(Old Title: To Help Heal)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am here again with another Bokuto and Akaashi work. This one will be a multific and I got most if not all of it planned out! I'm excited to actually post this finally (I wanted to wait until I planned out the chapters, I still have to type them) 
> 
> This one will be mostly Akaashi and Bokuto. 
> 
> *This will include mentions and possible flashbacks and descriptions of physical abuse*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am here again with another Bokuto and Akaashi work. This one will be a multific and I got most if not all of it planned out! I'm excited to actually post this finally (I wanted to wait until I planned out the chapters, I still have to type them) 
> 
> This one will be mostly Akaashi and Bokuto. 
> 
> *This will include mentions and possible flashbacks and descriptions of physical abuse*

Akaashi Keiji was born an omega, a fact that he loathed so deeply. He didn’t want his personality to be based on something biological. He didn’t like people thinking of him like property or theirs.

Alphas were dominant in society, they were the ones with power and authority. Betas were neutral, just a regular person. They didn’t have urges or heats. Akaashi found them blessed really.

Omegas were at the bottom of society. Rarely did they ever rise in power or make a name for themselves. The ones that did, worked extra hard just to do so.

Most of the time though omegas were beneath everyone. They were thought of to be weak and needed an alpha to take care of them.

Sure there were some good alphas who were respectful to their mates, and treated them right. The world had a lot of them. Sadly the same goes for the opposite, alphas who were cruel and abused their power over omegas.

Some take omegas and sell them in auction houses to the highest bidder, and who knows what happens to them after that. Most of them were used as sex toys, kept in a cage until an alpha wanted to go a round.

Akaashi was lucky in that regard.

When he was little, walking down the street from school at the age of 7, he was kidnapped. Few days later, he was sold at an auction house.

His alpha was cold, unforgiving, merciless, brutal yet intelligent and clever. He never raped Akaashi, thank goodness. But that didn’t mean he got out unscathed.

He was forced to bond with the man, his jaw opened without his consent and teeth pierced the man’s neck. The man left a similar mark on Akaashi. So if Akaashi ever escaped, he would be returned to this man as his mate. There was no escape.

He was subjected to be a house maid basically, doing chores and laundry. He even cooked this man’s food. The man was fine as long as Akaashi didn’t mess up. Sometimes he got into moods and took it out on Akaashi.

It was just physical abuse. (Akaashi knew he was downplaying it, but he just had to. Had to make it seem insignificant.) But physical abuse leaves after healing, the memory may remain but it could have been worse.

That’s what Akaashi told himself while he was at that house. For 3 months he repeated that to himself. 3 months it took the police to find him.

A lot of wounds were made in that time, some of the mental ones didn’t heal for a long time, if at all.

The man was accused of raping an omega, so the police showed up to question him. Instead, they filed charges against the man after finding Akaashi. But he tried to escape, getting into a scuffle with a policemen while armed.

With no choice left, the officer shot him in the arm. Akaashi saw the whole thing. Were you supposed to feel bad? For someone who tortured and abused you for months? Even if they were shot and screaming in pain? Akaashi didn’t know anymore.

The man was brought to the hospital but instead of facing the charges against him, he killed himself by jumping out the window in his hospital room. What were you supposed to feel? Joy in the fact that he was finally free? Relief at the fact that he could never hurt Akaashi again? Happiness in the fact that he got what he was coming for him?

Akaashi just felt sick to his stomach. The bond mark on Akaashi faded away soon afterwards.

It was one of many though that were left on his skin. Most, if not all were covered by his shirt or his hair. The ones on his back were particularly bad, but hidden. They were ugly marks, ranging from whip marks to burn marks left from cigarettes.

His mind however was different. It was worse than the physical. The wounds on his body stopped aching eventually. His mind wasn’t so easily soothed.

He was thrust back into reality after being inside a house for 3 months, away from everything. It was overwhelming, seeing his parents again, settling into his old routine like nothing.

So Akaashi dealt with it the way he did with every situation in which he didn’t know what to do. He did the only thing he could do.

He moved forward. He accepted his old routine. Caught up on his studies, continued to read. To the public eye, he escaped perfectly unscathed. He continued his life. He tried to forget what happened and move on.

It was hard though. And he had changed, as much as he didn’t want to admit it.

He was more quiet, calmer and reserved. Respect was drilled into him, he was an omega and therefore he should show respect. He was observant and wary. He smiled less and rarely showed any facial expressions, emotions were weaknesses back at that cold house. He learned how to defend himself through self-defense classes, anything to boost his sense of security. He had issues trusting people and generally avoided them. He stayed tucked away in the library, reading and studying. He learned everything he could, just so he could focus on something else besides the memories that threatened to drown him.

His family wanted to help but they just didn’t know how. They offered to get him a therapist but Akaashi declined. He didn’t want to dig up the memories.

He wanted to learn how to live with them. And only himself could help him that.

His parents didn’t know what to do. Unlike him, they didn’t know how to deal with the loss of the boy they knew. So they chose not to. Both of his parents focused on their work, going away for business and leaving him behind.

They couldn’t deal with the death of little happy boy they knew. They couldn’t accept the new him, the one too old and mature for his age. They wanted their little boy back, the one without the weight of abuse on him.

Akaashi knew he couldn’t give them the little boy. So they acted like he had died. In a way he had he guessed.

He found an old passion that helped though. Volleyball. When he was younger, he was a regular setter on his old team. When he decided to give a shot on a whim, he realized that he had control for once.

He had control. He had the ability to decide what offense was best, the ability to set to a spiker. There was a lot of pressure, sure, but he decided he liked it. Despite the fact that the sport was mostly dominated by alphas, Akaashi found that most of them didn’t care what his status was. Akaashi felt like he had control of himself, even for just that little moment. He could force himself to act, he had control of himself, of his life.

It was the best feeling ever.

What volleyball couldn’t do was soothe his mind though. More often than not, despite everything he did to avoid them, the memories of the past fought to drown him. Learning, reading, volleyball, nothing seemed to soothe them. Fight them, yes, push them to the corner of his mind, of course.

But he needed something to soothe the thoughts, something to clear his mind. Surprisingly, the answer was found in the attic of his grandparents’ house. When trying to forget the memories, he offered to clean their attic.

There he found an old but beautiful violin. In great condition despite its old age. Recalling a faint memory of his grandfather once showing him how to play when he was little, Akaashi got into position. (Or the position he thought he was supposed to be in.)

And he played. It amazes him still, the silence of everything on that first note. The calm that entered his mind. It just felt right, the music was something warm, something alive. He lost himself in the sounds.

His grandfather, an old kind alpha, was delighted to find that Akaashi was practically a prodigy. He didn’t want to showcase the fact though. Akaashi refused lessons, but rather taught himself. He refused to enter competitions, the thought of performing enough to throw him in a frenzy. Instead he saved the beautiful music for himself and his grandparents.

Volleyball, violin, reading and learning were his coping methods. Violin soothed his mind, but volleyball gave him the feeling of control. Reading and learning helped him get lost and bury the memories.

Slowly but steadily, he built his life back up. He was still formal as ever but some of his cheekiness and sass came back. He could defend himself and though he struggled to let himself smile, he found that he could express exasperation more easily. He especially relished this trait for he didn’t have the opportunity before. With his excess studying he caught up on his studies and even surpassed where the class was.

But that man left one thing mark on Akaashi that couldn’t be healed on his own. Akaashi could never trust an alpha again. He couldn’t bring himself to let his guard down, unless it was his grandfather who wouldn’t harm a fly (Akaashi doubt he could with his frail body).

Alphas were the ones that kidnapped him, sold him, bought him, forcibly made to bond with and they even abused him. The ones that Akaashi met after the incident didn’t like his independent attitude and the way in which he didn’t back down.

He moved on, regardless. He healed as much as he could.

His heats became regular though he didn’t get them often. Maybe twice a year, and when he did get them, they only lasted for 4 days or so. They hit him hard though but usually with enough warning beforehand.

Akaashi was prepared to move on in life unmated and alone. He honestly didn’t mind the fact and even relished in his own freedom. To bond with an alpha was to clip himself to his own leash.

He made it all the way to high school, being accepted on a full scholarship due to his grades and his ability in volleyball. It was there that he would met someone who would slowly heal the wounds he couldn’t.

He was a first year at Fukurōdani Academy when he met alpha Bokuto Koutarou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave kudos!
> 
> This will also be crossposted on Fanfic.net and wattpad.


	2. What the fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi thought he was in for a normal first day, up until volleyball practice where he meets an alpha who befuddles him. 
> 
> He also looks like a fucking owl. 
> 
> Somehow over the next couple of days they become friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's chapter 1! Don't expect updates so soon because now I got to finish summer reading *cries*.  
> I'm not sure how in character Bokuto and Akaashi are, so if you got any tips that'll be great!
> 
> Warning: Swearing.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was Akaashi’s first day of high school, he was to be attending Fukurōdani Academy. He got a recommendation due to volleyball and his grades were good enough even if he didn’t.

It was a regular day of school, no different really from his middle school experience. Sure new people, new place, and just a lot of new stuff.

Akaashi didn’t make a big deal out of it. He still got up at his normal time, a bit earlier but that had been happening ever since his disappearance. (He chose to dub it his disappearance because ‘kidnapping’ had sounded too graphic). He had trouble sleeping a lot. (Note: it was three fucking am in the morning and he’s still staring at the goddamn ceiling so fuck it why not get up now)

But he got up and got ready for school the same. Only difference was the uniform, which he liked better than his middle school one. He continued buttoning up the white undershirt and pulling on the black slacks that accompanied it. After tying the blue tie with white stripes, he slipped on the grey blazer to finish the look, buttoning up the blazer.

He checked himself in the mirror, and after a few minor touch ups (tightening his tie), he deemed himself ready. After grabbing a quick breakfast, he locked the door and started the short walk to high school.

On the way, Akaashi makes sure to double check his schedule, he planned to leave early today to be able to scoop out the building’s layout before classes started. He rather not get lost like a stereotypical freshman, thank you very much.

Most of his classes is review work, he had learned most of the material when studying in the library. It would be nice to have a review to make sure he didn’t miss or forget anything, he supposed.

When classes did finally start, he finds that he actually enjoys most of his teachers. He even had one or two teachers who were omegas. He wondered how they were going to handle the alphas in the class. Most of his teachers though were betas, for which he was grateful for.

He enjoys the fact that no one seems to know or recognize him here. It’s pleasant, unlike back at his old school. When he first returned, all of his classmates had known what had happened to him. It took months for the looks of pity to disappear.

His friends didn’t know how to act around him, especially with his new wary personality. He found himself, spending more and more time in the library, studying or reading.

Akaashi shook his head. No need for those thoughts now. ‘It’s a fresh start, use it well’ he reminded himself.

‘Let the past die in the past.’

He was shaken out of thoughts when the bell sounded, signaling lunch. Akaashi figured there was no use in trying to make friends, so he headed in the direction of the library.

People were loud and noisy. They wanted to get to know you and pestered you with questions. It would be 5 minutes later and they’re still asking questions. Soon though they grew tired of Akaashi’s monotone voice and clipped, blunt answers. Or his lack of expression.

“Hey Akaashi-san, right?”

Yet here they are again. You think people would stop approaching him.

“Yes?” He replied. From there the conversation was one-sided. The other person, Akaashi forgot his name at this point, asked questions and received short answers.

“You know, Akaashi-san, I feel like you don’t want to be talking to me.” He said with a chuckle, probably joking.

Too bad Akaashi wasn’t. “Yes, whatever gave you that idea? My apologies but I would like to go eat my lunch now. Excuse my leave.”

They guy didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day. Akaashi couldn’t find it in himself to feel guilty over it.

**. . .**

The day became increasingly boring. He was surprised though when by the end of the day, he was already receiving confessions from girls. He turned them down bluntly, but as gently as he could.

He did notice the jealous looks some of the boys in his class gave him, however.

‘Day one and I already have enemies’ he thought. He sighed, this year might be tough with the reactions he’s getting. Either it’s jealousy or longing. (He didn’t miss the looks the alphas gave him)

He just didn’t get it though. What made him so attractive? His hair was a fucking mess (even with all the time in the morning he didn’t brush it). He wasn’t that tall compared to some guys. He didn’t talk much (he didn’t even talk to any of these girls). His eyes were green and kind of boring to him (he’s aware his default expression is a disinterested, deadpan look. He just doesn’t know what to do about it)

Also the fact of _they don’t even know him_. He could be a serial killer for crying out loud. This. This is why he doesn’t interact with people. They never make sense, no explanation from them and Akaashi can’t follow their train of thought.

He sighed. He can read them, guess their thoughts or emotions but he can’t understand them. Like ok this person seems nervous but he doesn’t understand why they’re nervous.

He’s observant but not a people person.

**. . .**

His teachers gave him the same speech of: I saw your test scores but don’t think this class is going to be easy, minster. I expect the same results though!

If he was being honest, he was sick of hearing it.

It was the same process though. The classes _were_ going to be easy. He _was_ going to give the same results. Nothing would change. He would still be the number one in the class, because that’s what his parents wanted. (If he couldn’t give them their son back, this was the least he could do.)

Volleyball tryouts were not the same as usual though.

**. . .**

Volleyball is nice and he’s pretty good at it. Nothing amazing though like Oikawa-san or the young prodigy Kageyama, but good enough he supposes. Good enough to get into Fukurōdani.

Tryouts is interesting from the start. They do a practice drills to see everyone’s skill level.

Akaashi tries his best and prompts the other players to suggest their preferences to him for future notice. He’s working with spiking drills, setting the ball for each spiker. For now it’s just the captain (who is a 3rd year) and the assistant coach watching them.

The rest of the team is talking with the coach in the locker room. Akaashi suspects that they’ll be up shortly and introductions will be made. From there, he assumes there’ll be a practice match or something of that shorts.

Akaashi had no idea.

“HEY HEY HEY WHERE ARE THE NEW RECRUITS??!!!”

A man slightly taller than himself appeared (more like bursts from the locker room like a _fucking_ _canon_ ). He is well built, but what are those _knee pads._ He has notable gold eyes and what the absolute fuck is his hair.

It’s grey, darker grey going into a lighter but it’s spike up (literally defying gravity) like…is it Akaashi or does this guy look like a fucking owl.

“Bokuto! Calm down or you’ll scare them all away!” A voice reprimands, Akaashi identifying it to be the captain’s.

“Sorry, sorry! I just got excited!” the guy, no Bokuto, explained. He was practically vibrating with energy, his cheerful demeanor exploding from his face practically.

He’s like an overgrown child.

But he…he’s definitely an alpha (Akaashi just _knows_ ) but he’s not very…threatening? Sure, he’s got the muscle and everything but his personality just kills any sort of threat he could be. Akaashi has a bit of trouble being wary of him.

“Alright! New members, line up please! Please introduce yourself.” The captain called out, making Akaashi walk over to where the others are lining up.

So far the majority of them are spikers and middle blockers. He hasn’t heard anyone say they’re a setter though. When it’s his turn he states his name, class, and position like everyone else.

Except it all goes to hell when Bokuto-san literally runs over to him.

“YOU’RE A SETTER!! THAT’S GREAT! HEY HEY HEY CAN YOU TOSS TO ME LATER-“And he’s literally shaking Akaashi by the shoulders and what did he do to deserve this-

Bokuto-san is ripped away from him suddenly, literally the captain drags him away, making the shaking stop. His ears are still slightly ringing and everyone’s attention is on him now. Fantastic.

“I apologize for him, he just gets excited. Give him a few minutes to calm down.” The manager says while bowing.

“It’s fine. Please don’t worry.” Was all he said because really what the heck were you supposed to say after that?

After the regulars introduce themselves and they’re well underway into real tryouts does Bokuto-san return. He seems slightly calmer than before, but also not as cheerful.

Akaashi wonders what the captain said to him. He quickly dismisses the thought and continues on, relaxing over the control he has.

The thought stays there. He finds that he misses Bokuto-san’s cheerful, painfully loud personality. Which is weird because Akaashi should be figuring ways to take him down, if the situation calls for it. He doesn’t, instead thinks of ways to cheer him up.

Cheer Bokuto-san up isn’t really going well because 1) Akaashi doesn’t know the guy, 2) he doesn’t do well with social interaction to begin with, and 3) Akaashi can still feel the warmth of Bokuto-san’s hands on his shoulders.

**. . .**

He finds out later what the captain said to Bokuto-san.

Tryouts had just ended and Akaashi was taking a drink of water. The coach had told him he was impressed and if he kept his work level up, he could become a regular soon.

Bokuto-san came walking up to him, with a hand on his neck and his head angled at the ground.

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto-san snapped his eyes to his and ah there was the cheerful expression “Nah! You don’t have to add the san to my name! I’m what a year above you? Plus you seem really cool and mature. Bokuto is just fine-“

“Bokuto-san was there a reason you came up to talk to me?” His blunt question earns him a pout at the Bokuto-san part. It, however, quickly fades to a child looking like they’re being scolded (Akaashi finds it endearing, but choses to remain silent about it.)

“The captain wanted me to apologize to you. Not that I wouldn’t have done it anyways! But yeah sorry for shaking you and stuff. Everyone on the team always tells me I get too excited and loud sometimes…I can’t help it though…” Bokuto-san drifts off then, looking dejected all of a sudden.

Akaashi is surprised to say the least. He never had an alpha apologize to him before. But he feels kind of bad because, sure it was a bit sudden to be violently shaken but Akaashi really doesn’t hold it against him and says as much.

“It is fine, Bokuto-san. Please don’t worry too much over it, you just surprised me is all.” Akaashi reassures to the best of his ability (which honestly wasn’t much.)

It seems to do the trick fine though as Bokuto-san immediately perks up at his words.

“Really? Ah thanks, Akaashi! Hey hey hey I’ll see you at practice tomorrow right?” and without waiting for a response, he skips away towards the locker room.

Fucking skips.

He can feel his fingers twitching, desperate to lose himself in the notes and drown out any thought of how nice Bokuto-san’s smile is.

**. . .**

It’s lonely at his house because his parents are barely ever home (he blames himself). So unlike a normal person, he thinks of ways to make the house less lonely, instead of just inviting someone over.

Bokuto-san got off topic during practice yesterday and the topic became cats. He told Akaashi that cats help keep his friend, Kuroo apparently, company and that they’re warm and soft. Also Bokuto-san finds them very cute as well.

He swings by the local shelter on his way home and adopts a cat. He blames human interaction and Bokuto-san.

(It’s not as warm as Bokuto-san’s hands and that worries Akaashi.)

**. . .**

He later learns that his full name is Bokuto Koutarou and he’s in his 2nd year and in the top 5 spikers in the country. His personality seems to fluctuate rather quickly though. (Explains his decreased mood earlier when talking to Akaashi).

He’s also the first person to absolutely befuddle Akaashi.

**. . .**

He spends the next couple of days observing Bokuto-san. He isn’t like an alpha he has ever encountered. It’s refreshing almost.

Bokuto-san is nice to a fault. He seems to have this personality of helping people. Like showing underclassmen where their room is, picking up books when dropped for other people, and opening doors for other people. If you ask him for a favor, chances are he’ll do it.

But he doesn’t seem to care who he helps. Omegas, betas, adults, alphas, opponents. It’s concerning really because people could take advantage of that.

Also Bokuto-san wears his heart on his sleeve. All his emotions are easily picked up on. You know when he’s mad, sad or happy. He even voices what he’s feeling and why. He’s very easy to please. (Akaashi can actually read and understand him. It’s…pleasant)

Bokuto-san is childish though. Loud, ignorant to other’s discomfort, and very energetic. He asks weird questions and doesn’t seem very bright. He has this weird obsession with The Great Horned Owl (his hair is based off an owl apparently).

Bokuto-san is very different. Akaashi perceives him to be no threat which is why he ends up helping Bokuto-san later on.

Akaashi just doesn’t get it (he seems to not understand a lot). Bokuto-san isn’t what he thought he would be. Akaashi was expecting some big, cocky ass. Instead he got a blubbering overgrown child with too much energy.

Surprisingly he likes the blubbering child better.

**. . .**

Bokuto-san seems to like him more than most. He just wishes he could say his name damn correctly. It’s driving him slightly insane (He snorts at that, he’s pretty sure he’s borderline insane already).

But he keeps the memories out of Akaashi’s mind.

Really it’s hard to get lost in your thoughts when you hear “Akaaaaaaashi” every 5 seconds.

**. . .**

It is 12 am on a school night with his head in his knees curled up on the bed that he wishes for Bokuto’s loud screaming and his distracting behavior.

Tears streaming down his face, memories threatening to drown him is when he wishes for everything to just go away.

He wishes for a distraction.

**. . .**

It’s 12 am on a school night when his phone lights up on his nightstand, an unknown number flashing on his screen.

And against his better judgement, he’s answering the phone while composing himself. He wipes his tears, blows his nose and takes deep breathes. After preparing himself, he picks up on the last ring.

He _was not_ prepared for the “Hey, hey, hey! You’re awake Akaashi!” at 12 am at night on a school night.

But he can’t keep the smile off his face when replying. (He doesn’t even ask how Bokuto-san got his number, because at this point he doesn’t care.)

The thoughts drift away as Akaashi is sucked into a conversation at 12 am about whether or not Bokuto-san should adopt an owl as a pet.

(He ends up falling asleep to Bokuto-san’s voice at 2 am and sleeping till 6 am.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed it! Feedback is appreciated especially since I am unsure about the characterization of Bokuto and Akaashi. 
> 
> I don't know when I'll get the next chapter out, it might not be until the end of August depending on how much I procrastinate on summer reading XD


	3. Akaashi is really cool!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto meeting Akaashi and all his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I actually managed to post a chapter over the weekend! Sorry about the long wait, I had summer work and homework and everything is still a mess. 
> 
> But here's another chapter! Enjoy!

Bokuto woke up to his alarm clock going off, confusing him for a second. It dawned on him, a few seconds later.

It was his first day as a 2nd year at Fukurōdani Academy! He was so excited, he was going to be a great senpai! And today was volleyball tryouts! Maybe he would find a setter to practice with finally!

He pouted. He would have been a starter by now if the setter just practiced with him. He knew he could get excited and loud sometimes but it only helped him play better! And maybe his mood swings were annoying but there wasn’t anything he could do about it! He knew he was a difficult player, but the current setter wasn’t very helpful.

He was a 3rd year and always yelled at Bokuto when he messed up. Apparently his mood swings were a hindrance to the team and he was an unreliable player. They didn’t have time to babysit him during a match.

Bokuto shook his head. No time for negative thoughts, he had to get ready for school! Quickly getting up and showering, he slipped on his uniform. He made a face, suits were not his thing. That said, he left the buttons undone because he looked way too serious when he had them button up, it didn’t suit him Kuroo had said.

After that, he grabbed a large amount of gel to style his hair up. After a ridiculous amount of time, he had finished. Hey, Hey, Hey! He looked great!

With that boosting his mood, he hurried downstairs to where his family was eating breakfast. His mother smiled from her seat at the table.

“Good morning Koutarou, how did you sleep?”

“I slept great! I had this weird dream where I was an owl and I was so cool! Kuroo was a cat and Kenma was petting him! It was so weird!” Bokuto said excitedly.

His father laughed as he slid a plate over to Bokuto. “Sounds like a crazy dream, alright!” he agreed. “Come on, hurry up and eat before it gets cold.”

“Thanks Otōsan!” Bokuto said around a mouthful of food. Both parents smiled at their son’s normal behavior, both have given up on correcting it by now.

“Koutarou, we’re heading off to work now, lock up ok?” His mom smiled at her only son, who beamed back at her.

“Sure thing, Okāsan! Have a good day at work!” Both parents smiled fondly at their son’s excitable personality.

“I don’t think being a therapist and lawyer is very exciting, Koutarou. Hurry up or you’ll be late! Love you!” with that his parents left the house.

With the time in mind, Bokuto quickly finished his breakfast and continued getting ready. After a short amount of time, he started the short walk to his high school. He was going to be a second year!

With that, he bounded down the street, ready to start a great day of school.

**. . .**

His first day back was going pretty good, so far. His teachers were nice enough, he guessed. He’ll just have to see how they are when he starts failing.

It wasn’t like he didn’t try! Everything was so confusing and everyone moved too fast! And when he asked for clarification, it made no sense! He tried to pay attention, but when you never get what the teacher is saying, you tend to dose off.

He wasn’t hopeless in all of his classes though. Math was tough because he just never got anything and the teacher never was much help. History was hard too, he didn’t know how people memorized so many people and dates! Science, though, he was pretty good at. It was more hands on, and he enjoyed seeing the effects and everything. It was actually pretty interesting.

He knew everyone thought he was pretty dumb, and maybe it was true. But he just needs someone patient who explains it in a way he gets!

Then again, maybe there was no way he could understand? Does that make him dumb?

**. . .**

The rest of day went on much like it had in the beginning. Thankfully he had volleyball afterschool to cheer him up!

They had a brief meeting to go over the expectations and to welcome them back to a new season. Also to be nice to the new players.

That would be exciting! Since most of the team was made of 3rd years, who were leaving this year, they would have a new starting lineup soon! Maybe he would finally be a starter.

It depends on who they have as a setter.

Apparently they recruited one on a recommendation, he was at practicing as they went on with the boring meeting. Would he be nice? Would he like Bokuto? Would he have patience?

Would he be able to work with Bokuto?

The questions kept building up until he could hardly take it. He had to know! This was his chance to become a starter! They had to train, his 3rd year was his last year here!

When the meeting finally came to a close, he dashed out to the gym, bursting from the locker rooms.

“HEY HEY HEY WHERE ARE THE NEW RECRUITS??!!!”

He faintly heard the captain yelling at him to calm down, but he couldn’t! He took a deep breath and responded so he wouldn’t get in trouble.

“Sorry, sorry! I just got excited!”

Bokuto nose was on overdrive. There were just so many new smells! If he wasn’t mistaken (he knew he wasn’t), he could even smell some omegas in the mix!

Bokuto never really got the whole system. Everyone was a person, right? Then they deserved the same respect! Sure, urges sucked and sometimes control was difficult but you still have to respect some people! To him, it didn’t matter if you were an omega, alpha or beta!

“Alright! New members, line up please! Please introduce yourself.”

He was about to meet everyone! Of course, some people won’t make it and most won’t be starters but Bokuto didn’t like thinking about that.

He paid attention, learning everyone’s name and what position they would be. A lot of spikers and middle blockers, he noticed. He thinks there was even a libero.

But where was the setter?!

Bokuto wasn’t prepared. He was not prepared for the most beautiful omega to suddenly step forward. He was gorgeous. Like absolutely captivating.

“Akaashi Keiji, 1st year class 4, setter. Please take care of me.” With a perfect bow, he straightens up and Bokuto is faintly aware he’s already running.

“YOU’RE A SETTER!! THAT’S GREAT! HEY HEY HEY CAN YOU TOSS TO ME LATER-“ and he’s so excited because maybe he could finally practice with someone! And he doesn’t quite register that he’s shaking Akaashi by the shoulders but he’s just so excited-

And then there a tug and he’s being yanked away from Akaashi! He’s confused until he realizes it’s the captain and he faintly hears the manger apologizing for him. Again.

Bokuto feels his mood drop. He did it again, didn’t he?

**. . .**

Bokuto got a stern talk with the captain that he rather not remember. He does remember his mood taking a sharp dive. The captain told him to go run or something until he calms down and gets his act together.

And that he has to apologize to Akaashi at the end of practice.

So now he’s curled up in this hallway because he needs to get his act together.

He doesn’t mean to get so worked up! But he was just really happy and excited, but he didn’t mean to come on so strong. It just happened.

Kuroo had once told him that he was just expressive. He had said it wasn’t a bad thing.

But it had to be right? Why else did everyone think he was so annoying? Did Akaashi think that? Did Akaashi hate him already? Would he even toss to Bokuto anymore?

Probably not. And he thought that Akaashi was really cool and pretty too! He didn’t want to lose his chance at being friends with Akaashi! He seemed really mature for a first year too, and he seemed so strong even being an omega.

Captivating, he thinks the word is.

He decides right then that the only way to fix things is to apologize to Akaashi! He really does feel bad for shaking him.

So he gets up, his mood still kind of down. He expects that it’ll stay down until he’s home because he doesn’t really have anyone to help cheer him except Kuroo who won’t answer until he gets Kenma home.

**. . .**

By the time Bokuto gets back its well into tryouts to see who makes the team and if anyone will be a starter.

Bokuto watches Akaashi set and he sees that he’s pretty good actually. He seems to be in perfect control of things, quickly assessing where to toss and to who.

He’s not glaring at Bokuto, which is a good sign. Maybe he really does have a chance to make up with Akaashi!

He throws himself into practice, working on spiking drills with the 3rd year setter who can’t seem to get his toss right. But Bokuto doesn’t say anything because if he complains, the 3rd year might not want to practice again.

His broad crosses often get blocked in matches but he doesn’t have anyone to practice with. Everyone gets tired and annoyed with him after too long.

Practice comes to an end and the captain reminds him to go apologize. He didn’t need to be reminded!

Bokuto slowly approaches him, with his hand on his neck. He looks at the ground because he’s not sure he wants to see Akaashi’s expression.

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto snaps his head up, and sees that Akaashi still has that disinterested expression on his face. But he acknowledged Bokuto and he didn’t sound mad!

Bokuto finds himself perking up bit and then realizes how Akaashi greeted him. San? He’s only a year older than him and besides Akaashi seems way more mature than him.

“Nah! You don’t have to add the san to my name! I’m what a year above you? Plus you seem really cool and mature. Bokuto is just fine-“

“Bokuto-san was there a reason you came up to talk to me?”

He pouted at Akaashi who still referred to him as ‘Bokuto-san’. He won’t lie, he kind of likes the respect he gives him since not many people do. Then he remembers why he’s there and he quickly becomes unsure again.

“The captain wanted me to apologize to you. Not that I wouldn’t have done it anyways! But yeah sorry for shaking you and stuff. Everyone on the team always tells me I get too excited and loud sometimes…I can’t help it though…”

He drifts off, thinking Akaashi must agree with them on his behavior.

“It is fine, Bokuto-san. Please don’t worry too much over it, you just surprised me is all.” Akaashi reassures him, making Bokuto perk up. He doesn’t think lowly of Bokuto?

“Really? Ah thanks, Akaashi! Hey hey hey I’ll see you at practice tomorrow right?” and without waiting for a response, he skips away towards the locker room.

He didn’t mess things up! Maybe Akaashi will still toss to him!

**. . .**

Bokuto and Akaashi quickly start talking more during practice, Akaashi never seeming to mind Bokuto’s loud behavior.

He finds him telling Akaashi about Kuroo and Kenma and how Kuroo adopts cats so he doesn’t feel too lonely at home (and also because they remind him of Kenma but Bokuto thinks he shouldn’t say that)

He tells him that he finds cats cute and just barely stops from saying that Akaashi is cute too because he feels like Akaashi wouldn’t like it.

Or maybe he would be like Kenma who only is ok with Kuroo calling him cute but when other people say it, it makes him uncomfortable. When Kuroo says it, Kenma just blushes slightly and turns away.

Bokuto tells him a lot of things, since Akaashi listens. He’s nice, very nice Bokuto thinks. He rarely makes comments but Bokuto finds that it’s because he doesn’t have much to share and likes to think before he talks.

Something that Bokuto really needs to do.

But he doesn’t think Akaashi minds. And that’s why he continues to talk because for once, someone doesn’t seem to want him to stop.

**. . .**

Bokuto got his number from someone in Akaashi’s class who had a project with him. It takes him a while to work up the courage to call Akaashi.

The thought of sending him a text doesn’t pass his mind until he’s already pressed the call button. Consequently he doesn’t realize it’s also 12 am on a school night.

But surprisingly Akaashi picks up. So Bokuto talks to him about adopting an owl because owls are so cool. And unlike everyone else, Akaashi actually stays on the phone and talks about adopting an owl with Bokuto for 2 hours.

In the end he decides against adopting an owl on Akaashi’s advice.

It’s not till 2 am does Akaashi fall asleep and Bokuto hangs up, feeling tired enough to fall asleep himself. He sleeps soundly with a smile on his face, dreaming of quiet nights and green tea with old books.

His parents are surprised the next morning when Bokuto comes downstairs calmly and isn’t bursting with energy, for once. It lasts only about 15 minutes but his parents smile.

Their son found someone who can match his energy with calmness.

**. . .**

Bokuto isn’t sure where the thought comes from. But he feels like it’s always been there.

He knows he wants Akaashi as his mate. He doesn’t know when he got the idea but it feels natural to him. He thinks it’s one of his alpha instincts.

Akaashi is kind of perfect. But his scent, which he only got a whiff of a couple of times. Bokuto suspects that Akaashi uses a blocker to mask his scent or something.

Sometimes Akaashi seems to forget to put it on and it wears thin. That’s when Bokuto can really smell him. Akaashi quickly remembers though and hurries to reapply it. Or that’s what Bokuto thinks because he turns slightly paler and excuses himself to the bathroom

Maybe that’s when he knew that Akaashi was his mate. When he first smelled him.

Akaashi smells like lavender or like…something soothing. Like something subtle like green tea and old books. Like a calming evening or night.

Akaashi smells like quietness and calmness. It makes Bokuto want to slow down and just relax for once. He finds it soothing.

He just knows he belongs with Akaashi.

He just didn’t figure it out until the night when Akaashi and he stayed behind to practice for the first time. The first time Bokuto was exposed to Akaashi scent without any blockers or anything.

Akaashi is going to be Bokuto’s mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? Is Bokuto's characterization off? Tell me so I can fix it next chapter!  
> Bokuto won't always be the happy go lucky person though, he'll have some serious moments later on!
> 
> I don't know when I'll update again, but hopefully by next weekend! I do have a wedding that weekend so I might be late! Thanks so much for the support guys! 
> 
> Shout out to @CheetahLeopard2 who gave me awesome support!
> 
> I got a poll for you guys! I was thinking of changing the title. Vote in the comments guys!  
> 1.) Don't Change It  
> 2.) Help Heal Me  
> 3.) Heal What I Can't  
> 4.) My Remedy  
> 5.) Healing Scars  
> 6.) Distant Memories and Fading Scars  
> 7.) Forget, Heal, Trust, Love  
> 8.) Other (comment)
> 
> You can also vote on fanfic.net with the poll on my profile


	4. Changing and Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi won’t lie. Bokuto-san is a difficult player.
> 
> But he has got potential, and a lot of it. So why has no one tried to work with Bokuto-san? When Akaashi sees the second years working together, his mind goes into overdrive. 
> 
> They could make a really strong team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait! I had a wedding, and then I got sick and missed 4 days of school.   
> Then I got swamped with make up work and couldn't find the time to write. 
> 
> But I'm back now! And I'll try to update again this weekend but it might be a bit late again, but I will continue on with this story guys! 
> 
> The chapter title votes will be in the endnote guys, but voting is still open! Make sure to get you vote in! 
> 
> Thanks for waiting and the amazing support guys!

Akaashi won’t lie. Bokuto-san is a difficult player.

He has mood swings at the most random times, gets too overworked up and can’t handle his emotions. He acts like a little child, despite being in his second year. He likes his tosses differently and his broad crosses get blocked.

Akaashi won’t lie, Bokuto-san is a handful. But he also is one of the top 5 spikers in Japan. And it’s noticeable. He has power and good accuracy. His stamina is outstanding though.

He has got potential, and a lot of it. So that’s why Akaashi is wondering why no one has tried to work with Bokuto-san. When Akaashi sees the second years working together, his mind goes into overdrive.

Bokuto-san is strong. He’s the best player on the team, they need to use him to the maximum. However, the other players aren’t weak either. They are a strong support system. Bokuto-san also has all the traits to be an ace.

So why isn’t he?

Sure the team is strong, composed of 3rd years only, but none of them are outstanding. There’s also the issue of the 3rd years retiring this year.

They’re going to need a whole new system for a whole new team basically. But the current second years know each other, so it should speed things up.

He knows he’s going to be the regular setter soon, with no one else that plays the position. The current setter is a 3rd year, who has skill for the most part. (He’s terrible with Bokuto-san). But when he leaves, Akaashi feels like he’s going to be next.

They got this year to plan. To completely build a solid foundation for this team, to set roles and learn how to be reliable on each other.

And maybe he’s overstepping his bounds, he’s only a first year. But nobody seems able or willing to take the initiative. None of the second years that will come to replace the 3rd years seem to be interested in being captain. Akaashi certainly wasn’t going to take it.

Bokuto-san really hasn’t showed interest in it, but Akaashi suspects that the thought never even crossed his mind. Due to the 3rd year’s treatment, Bokuto-san isn’t very confident. They acknowledge his strength, and even allow him to sub in during games when they need him, but they don’t use him so to say.

Which is a waste, and Akaashi detests wasting potential like that. Bokuto-san would make a fine captain with a little guidance (He’ll cross that bridge when he gets there). He’s not afraid of strong opponents, he’s energetic and supportive of his team, he’s strong, and most importantly Bokuto-san just seems to boost people’s spirits.

He can see it, he can see the foundation, the planning, and the whole set up, everything. He sees the potential.

It’s just time to use it.

**. . .**

Akaashi took a deep breathe.

“Bokuto-san would you mind staying after to practice some more with me? I’d like to try a few things. It might take some time though.”

A ball dropping onto the gym floor cut through the silence. Akaashi had to admit, he didn’t think the response he would get would be silence. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so blunt? Bokuto-san still isn’t saying anything.

Did Akaashi break him?

“Bokuto-san…?”

“REALLY??!!! HEY HEY HEY!! That’d be great Akaashi! And I don’t mind, nobody practices with me because they say I stay too long. So if you get tired, you can leave anytime! But I really appreciate it Akaashi!”

Perhaps he should have savored that silence a little longer. But now was the time to see how Bokuto-san plays. With the idea that Akaashi has, he better get to know Bokuto-san.

Bokuto-san’s personality is the only thing that’s really making this possible even. Akaashi staying after with an alpha, alone? In the gym, with no one around? At night? Even if it is Bokuto-san, Akaashi is hardly preventing himself from freaking out.

‘But it is Bokuto-san. Nothing is going to happen. Bokuto-san wouldn’t hurt me. I have no reason to feel nervous about an alpha who cried over fishes not having real arms. Even without all this power, he wouldn’t hurt me.’ Over and over, repeat and repeat.

Akaashi closed his eyes and took a deep breathe.

1…2…3… “Alright. Shall we begin Bokuto-san?”

“Yeah! Sure Akaashi!” Bokuto’s enthusiasm actually helped calm Akaashi down. Because this was Bokuto-san. He was used to Bokuto-san.

He was ok.

“Have you ever hit a straight before, Bokuto-san?”

When Bokuto-san replied negatively, Akaashi decided to show him a video, rather than try to explain it to Bokuto-san. Afterwards, they decided to work on Akaashi setting to Bokuto-san. He had Bokuto jump to see where he would hit the ball, what height and what preferences.

By the end of that, Bokuto-san seemed rather happy. Like he was radiating like a fucking sun. Akaashi didn’t understand why. But for once, he seemed ok with not knowing. Because Bokuto-san being that happy, didn’t need a reason.

“Alright Bokuto-san, shall we try a straight now?” After hearing an affirmative, Akaashi reviewed the information.

Bokuto-san likes his tosses to be slightly high, but not too high. He likes them a bit closer to the net and with faster timing almost. He likes them high enough to really get that power in.

He really was an amazing player, though the number of time he gotten down in this practice session was quite high. But that’s because Akaashi had to adjust to his tosses. But he had power and a shit ton of stamina.

He was amazing, truly amazing.

**. . .**

Night after night. Every day they practiced, with the exception of weekends. They did this for 3 weeks. And during that time, Bokuto-san had gotten better.

Akaashi was learning a lot about Bokuto-san during this time. During regular after-school practices, Akaashi requested that the second and first-years practice separately as to ‘not get in the upperclassman’s way’.

Way to get an alpha to agree: Stroke his pride.

Having Bokuto-san interact with the other players really was a good idea. They start to get used to Bokuto-san, learn how to cheer him up and generally support him. Though most of that fell on Akaashi’s shoulders. He can’t say he minded much though.

Bokuto-san was very fascinating. His personality was like a puzzle and Akaashi was gathering piece after piece. He started to document his findings even. (He’s ignoring the voice in his head that’s saying this isn’t normal friendly behavior anymore). Eventually Bokuto-san will graduate, leaving Akaashi behind. He might even go and play professionally, and Akaashi knows that he won’t be there to take care of Bokuto-san.

Hence the notes. That way, whoever becomes Bokuto-san’s setter after him will know what to do. (He ignores the emotion at the thought of Bokuto-san leaving.)

But they got this year and next. And Akaashi was going to build this team to be the best it can be. And it was turning out well.

But now he had to prepare himself for weekend practices, because exams were coming up so they couldn’t

meeting less afterschool.

Akaashi wasn’t sure he felt comfortable enough to spend a whole day with the team even if it composed mostly of betas. Which is why he’s planning on putting on his best blocker and hoping for the best.

**. . .**

“HEY HEY HEY!! You’re early Akaashi!” It was 8 am and too early for Bokuto-san’s loud voice. Akaashi didn’t have enough coffee for this, honestly.

“Good morning, Bokuto-san. You’re early as well it seems.” Really, it shouldn’t surprise him that Bokuto-san was a morning person, even if it was downright disgusting.

“Yeah! I couldn’t sleep because I was so excited! I mean, this is my first weekend practice with you guys. We’re going to have so much fun!” Bokuto-san was practically vibrating with energy.

“Please try to get the appropriate amount of sleep your body needs, Bokuto-san.” Hypocrite, he’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t even remember if he slept at all last night. “And please save that energy for practice.”

“Oh you’re right! You’re so smart Akaashi!”

“Thank you, Bokuto-san. I believe you are fairly intelligent, despite what everyone else says.”

“Hey thanks Akaashi- wait! HEY HEY HEY!!”

Akaashi was not hiding a smile when the others arrived.

Really his connection to Bokuto-san and his fondness for the alpha was starting to get concerning. He was letting his guard down an awful lot.

But it was really hard to not to with Bokuto-san. Maybe that’s what was so concerning. 

**. . .**

“Thanks for the hard work, you guys can leave. Bokuto-san and I will pack up,” Akaashi called out to the rest of team who started to gather their stuff.

“Hey! Akaashi will you toss some balls for me!” Bokuto-san called out to him. Honestly, he could go for days huh? Well, maybe not considering he would get hungry.

“Why don’t we call it quits for today, Bokuto-san? You don’t want to wear yourself out for Monday, right? And besides, you did really well today.” Smooth Akaashi, ease Bokuto-san into the idea of leaving.

Honestly Akaashi wouldn’t mind staying longer with Bokuto-san (He’ll analyze that feeling later). But it was going to get dark soon and Akaashi was not staying out there in the dark with an alpha.

True, with the more than normal amount of blocker, he should appear to be beta. But he rather be safe than sorry. Even if Bokuto-san wouldn’t hurt him, it’s not to say some random alpha won’t drag him into an alley.

Or a car again.

He shook his head rapidly. Not the time.

‘What would Bokuto-san think if he saw you curled up, crying because of some stupid memories?!’

“Alright I guess. HEY HEY HEY let me walk you home Akaashi!”

“What? No thanks Bokuto-san, that’s not necessary,” Akaashi quickly denied. Bokuto-san pouted and tried again.

“Akaaaashi! I don’t know what might happen if I’m not there! At least let me protect you! And I know you can protect yourself, but I would feel a bit more at ease if I knew you were safe.” Bokuto-san argued, trying to get Akaashi to see reason.

It was true that Akaashi wouldn’t run into trouble if he had Bokuto-san there. But did he trust Bokuto-san that much? He didn’t know. But it was starting to get dark.

“Akaashi, don’t you trust me?” Bokuto-san’s words were laced with uncertainty now, and Akaashi could almost feel himself shrinking into himself.

Did Akaashi trust him? Well he trusted Bokuto-san more than the rest of the alphas out there. Alright, that settles that.

(He can’t believe he’s doing this. But then again it is Bokuto-san so he shouldn’t be that surprised.)

“Alright fine, let’s go Bokuto-san” And with a newly revived Bokuto-san, they left.

**. . .**

Ok so maybe walking home with Bokuto-san wasn’t such a brilliant plan. Because he had been talking for the first 5 minutes straight until he just stopped.

And now he had been staring at Akaashi for a straight minute and he honestly didn’t know what to do.

Like what the hell do people do?? Was he supposed to stare back? He didn’t think that’s be a good idea because he wasn’t sure he could look away. Bokuto-san had very powerful stare, especially when his eyes were half lidded. When he first challenged someone with that stare, Akaashi thanked gods he had a blocker on.

So no to staring back. Should he say something? That sounds better than just walking in silence as he stared straight at nothing in the distance. It was starting to make him uneasy really, was Bokuto-san trying to find a way to take him down?

“Bokuto-san? Are you ok?” because you’re staring. Really obviously.

“Hm? Oh yeah, sorry you’re just really pretty Akaashi.”

What.

Ok. What. How the hell do you respond to that?!! Um. Ok well. This is why he doesn’t converse with people, honestly. They just blurt random things that he doesn’t know how to respond to. Or maybe that was just Bokuto-san.

So he why does he continue to hang out with Bokuto-san?? He’s really going to have to think about this later.

“Hey Akaashi, why do you use a blocker? You don’t hide you’re an omega but I really never got the chance to smell you.”

Ok so probably just Bokuto-san.

“Why would you want to smell me Bokuto-san?” Because how else was he supposed to respond? Oh yeah I’m just paranoid after being kidnapped and tortured by an alpha when I was 7. That’ll go smoothly.

Bokuto-san wasn’t going to do anything right? Because they were in a similar state to as when he was 7. They’re walking back to his house after practice. Him and an alpha, alone in the dark.

**WARNING: PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK AHEAD. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERED.**

It was getting a bit hard to breathe. Why did he agree to this again? Why did he think this was a good idea? He was alone with an alpha. He needed to look for an escape route. Bokuto-san is faster-

“Hey Akaashi are you ok? Akaashi? Hey hey, what’s wrong?” Akaashi saw a hand reach out to him from the corner of his vision. Memories flooded his mind, hands reaching for him, screams being muffled by-

He didn’t realized what was happening until he flinched violently, stumbling a few steps away. He opened his eyes to see Bokuto-san looking at him with wide eyes. Still breathing hard, the situation didn’t hit him until a moment later.

And then someone was around him and he felt the panic rising in him again because he can’t escape-

“I’m not going to hurt you Akaashi, not purposefully. I promise, and if I do, feel free to hit me.” Bokuto-san whispered, voice full of emotions that Akaashi could read.

But it was ok. He was ok. Bokuto-san wasn’t going to hurt him. It’s Bokuto-san, he has no reason to be afraid right?

“Sorry Bokuto-san…I-I’m ok now.” Getting the hint, Bokuto-san reluctantly released Akaashi. Feeling his unease, Akaashi sent a small smile (it was a flick of the corner of his mouth but that’s basically smile)

Bokuto-san lit up again though. And warmth flooded Akaashi at the sight of it. And they continued to Akaashi’s house, an unspoken signal not to talk about it. And Bokuto-san carried on as normal, like nothing even happened.

Bless his soul, really. Because Akaashi could not explain anything to him, not yet. Not when he couldn’t face it himself.

**YOU CAN READ AGAIN**

**(Recap: Basically Akaashi started to panic over being close to an alpha, since the situation reminded him of when he was kidnapped when he was little. Bokuto, concerned, reached out to see if Akaashi was ok, causing him to flinch and stumbled away. Bokuto hugged Akaashi, and after reassuring him that he wouldn’t hurt, Akaashi slowly began to calm down. They continued on walking, knowing not to talk about it)**

**. . .**

“Thank you, Bokuto-san. You can head home now, I hope it’s not too far of a walk?”

“Nah, don’t worry about me. But hey Akaashi, about back there…” Bokuto-san trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it.

Akaashi started to panic again, did he want to know? As if sensing his internal panic, Bokuto-san quickly hurried to explain.

“I’m not asking what happened! It’s ok, you don’t need to explain anything!!” Beginning to relax at those word, Bokuto-san deemed it safe to continue. “It’s just…you know I won’t hurt you right? I really want you to know that Akaashi.”

Looking up, Akaashi detected no sign of lying from Bokuto-san. Looking back at the ground he replied, “I know, Bokuto-san. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Good! But um…I just want to let you know Akaashi, that I do want you to be mate.” Ok, Akaashi’s head went flying up to meet Bokuto-san’s eyes, his own wide and bit frightened. “Hold on, let me explain!! Not yet, you don’t seem to be ready yet. I’ll wait till then, but I just wanted to let you know. So you know that I’m not hiding anything from you! And when I do start to express my feelings, I want you to know that I’m not messing or tricking you! Like I actually like you and stuff. I don’t want to do anything to drive you off…so yeah.”

‘That was some rant’ Akaashi thought. But honestly, he was touched. At first he panicked but Bokuto-san didn’t actually seem to have any bad intentions, even saying he’ll wait until he was ready.

“Thank you Bokuto-san.” And he really meant it this time. No alpha or person really, had ever shown him so much consideration. “But for now, I can only offer my friendship in return…”

“No, no! That’s ok! I really like being your friend, and I want to keep it that way. For now, let’s be friends. I got no other intentions besides that for now.”

Really Bokuto-san’s words were….heartwarming, he thinks the term is. Instead of making things awkward, he just wants to say friends. Akaashi felt like he made a lot of progress with trusting Bokuto-san tonight.

“That sounds nice Bokuto-san. Text me to let me know you got home alright, ok?”

“Yeah! I will! Don’t worry though Akaashi! See you on Monday!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tally for the votes:   
> 1.) Don't Change It (3)  
> 2.) Help Heal Me   
> 3.) Heal What I Can't - (3)  
> 4.) My Remedy - 1  
> 5.) Healing Scars   
> 6.) Distant Memories and Fading Scars - (3)   
> 7.) Forget, Heal, Trust, Love   
> 8.) Other (comment)
> 
> So tie for no title change, Heal what I can't and Distant Memories and Fading Scars.   
> Don't forgot to leave your vote in the comments below! Kudos is appreciated (seriously I'm shocked by how many I've gotten guys!) 
> 
> See you soon guys!


	5. Where to go from here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody knows, and shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I am so late with this!!   
> (It's a longer chapter, please accept my apology in a form of this)
> 
> So I really don't know what to say about this one? It's one of those few, that I just write? Like my fingers moved and here is the story? Tell me what you think?  
> (I personally think it's a hot disaster.) 
> 
> Vote, and comment please! Kudos are appreciated! Love you all!

Akaashi really was kind of amazing, when Bokuto thought about it. He was kind, helpful and smart. He was kind of perfect almost. He was attractive, who was he kidding Bokuto thought he looked captivating. He was good at volleyball and was really smart, he even helped Bokuto on his math homework! He was very polite and helpful.

He never thought lowly of Bokuto. And he wasn’t sure what to think about that though. Bokuto knew he wasn’t the brightest and that he could be too trusting. He knew he could be handful and was grateful to Kuroo and Kenma for being there for him.

But Akaashi never thought that of Bokuto. He was calm and maybe a bit cold and distant but he never thought that Bokuto was any less than someone else.

Bokuto didn’t really get if he was being honest. Which isn’t that surprising but for once he really wanted to understand.

So he thought about it. Really, really hard too!

He knew he could be a bit much with his mood swings. He constantly sought out praise because if everyone else thought he was amazing, then he must be, right?

Sometimes convincing himself of that was the harder part. So he just kept repeating it to himself. Kuroo once told him that if he said something to himself enough times, he would believe it. So that’s what he does, and sometimes it works.

But Akaashi never needed to say it over and over again. He just knew. He knew Bokuto was amazing. And if Akaashi knew it, then it had to be true right? Because it was Akaashi! And he wasn’t being nice, because Akaashi would tell him straight up. Yeah he was annoying and he self-destructs at the most random times, but he was reliable. That he was a player with a lot of potential.

And then he had looked Bokuto straight in the eye, which he doesn’t do often. (Bokuto really wished he would, his eyes were so pretty). But his words is what struck Bokuto to the core.

_“You got a lot of potential, Bokuto-san. This whole team does. And by the time, I’m done with it, this team will be one of the top teams in Japan. And you’re going to be the heart of it.”_

And then Akaashi really started to convince Bokuto. He brought the team together and formed and shaped their plays. They met up on the weekends now to practice! He got to play volleyball and make new friends!

Akaashi even stays after to practice with him. They’ve been practicing with his straights and he’s really starting to pick it up! He’s getting really good at them and Akaashi is knows how to toss to him really well!

So Akaashi is kind of perfect. Maybe that’s why Bokuto is so drawn to him.

**. . .**

“You like him, you idiot. It’s called a crush. Or since you’re an alpha, you might be drawn to Akaashi if he’s supposed to be your mate. Maybe that what’s making you loco in the head.”

Ok so maybe calling Kuroo wasn’t the best idea. The guy might be really smart in chemistry and stuff but when it comes to other things (most things) that knowledge seems to fly elsewhere.

Except Kenma. Kuroo always knows about Kenma.

“Wait, do you have a crush on Kenma then? Because that would make a lot of sense, dude.”

“What-no. Where did you even get that idea?”

“Kuroo. Describe Kenma.” Bokuto’s voice was exasperated.

“Kenma, dude, man he’s something ethereal I swear. He’s just so beautiful and moves so elegantly and gracefully. And his eyes, bright, gold and so captivating. He’s so observant too! And when he get this competitive glow in his eyes when he has a difficult opponent when gaming is so cute, especially when he sticks his tongue out in concentration. He’s quiet, sure, but he listens to me and really thinks before responding-“

“Kuroo you sound like a love-sick fool. Are you sure you don’t like Kenma man? I mean I won’t judge if you do!”

“This isn’t about me. This about you and Aka- whoever and your major crush on the guy- He is a guy, right? I’m not judging or anything but I didn’t think you were bisexual bro.”

“Akaashi, man! And I don’t have crush on him!” Ignoring Kuroo’s mhmm, he continues on. “And yeah, Akaashi is a guy. And me neither bro, but when I saw him, damn. He could turn anyone gay I think.”

“Wow dude, you’re whipped. Sounds to me like Bokuto has a crush! Oh they grow up so fast!”

“Fuck off man! I’m not whipped! But I wouldn’t mind him as a mate…”

“Wait.” Kuroo said, his voice turning serious for once. “Don’t you have a girlfriend, Bo? Does she know about this? Any of it?”

The silence on the other end was not a good sign in this case. “Well...you see”

“Damnit Bokuto! The hell?”

“Ok, ok! Here me out! I completely forgot I had a girlfriend, ok?”

“How the fuck do you forget you have a girlfriend man? I’ve seen her, and damn you’re lucky to have her. Isn’t she an omega?”

“Beta actually, I think.” Ignoring Kuroo’s exclamation of “you don’t even know?!”

“And yeah she’s nice and pretty. But she’s nothing compared to Akaashi! I’m serious man, he’s so amazing!!”

“Says the guy who says he’s not whipped”

“I’m not!”

Ignoring Bokuto’s outburst, he continued on. “But seriously, you need to clear this up with her. She doesn’t deserved to be led on like this. If you’re serious about Aka- whoever then you need to drop things with her.”

“Akaashi, man! And I know, ok? I will, I promise.”

“Good, then I can’t wait to meet Aka-whoever who has my best bud, whipped.”

“Akaashi! Seriously are you doing that on purpose?? And I thought Kenma was your best friend bro.”

‘You both are, but someone isn’t denying the whipped part.”

“I’m not whipped- oh shit! I gotta go Kuroo!”

Kuroo checked the time curiously, “Bo you know you don’t have to leave for another 30 minutes, right?” Even then Bokuto would be pretty early. Does he have morning practice today?

“I’m walking to Akaashi’s so I can walk to school with him! And he leaves earlier than me so I got to catch him before he leaves! Bye bro!” Bokuto hung up, ignoring Kuroo’s snickering and call of whipped.

He was not whipped, right?

**. . .**

“HEY HEY HEY!! Morning Akaashi!”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi said in the most deadpanned voice, Bokuto has ever heard.

“I’m here to walk with you to school, obviously! And I take it you’re not a morning person, Akaashi?” In response he got a glare, from where Akaashi was obviously locking up his house.

Crap, Bokuto forgot to lock up- IS THAT A CAT?

“Akaashi, you didn’t tell me you had a cat?!!!!” Oh wait till Kuroo hears this, he’ll definitely remember Akaashi’s name now! And is that pink he sees on Akaashi’s checks?? Is he blushing?

“I remember you saying that your friend, Kuroo-san, found them to be good company and helped him feel less lonely. So I decided to invest in one, to see if it would help. And it has, so thank you Bokuto-san.”

And yeah ok Akaashi is totally blushing and looking off to the side to hide it. And yeah he shouldn’t look so cute while doing that and it shouldn’t make Bokuto’s heart flop weirdly.

Wait- “You listened to all that? And remembered it? You even took me up on my advice??!”

“Yes?” Akaashi answered, uncertain like it was obvious and confused on why Bokuto didn’t get it. And ok it was obvious but it rare that anyone listened to Bokuto, let alone remember what he said!

Akaashi even took his advice! Well technically Kuroo’s but that’s not the point!

“AKAaaaaaaaaSHI!!!!” He started forward to give him a hug only to have Akaashi side-step with a blunt: “You’ll wake up the neighbor’s Bokuto-san, please be quiet.”

Ok so no on hugs because Akaashi seemed to look panicked for a second until his face went into that disinterested expression (which Bokuto learned was his default face).

Bokuto wasn’t fazed though, he’ll just have to come up with other ways to show his gratitude! Or get Akaashi comfortable enough to hug him.

The latter might be harder, in all honesty.

“Bokuto-san? Are you ok? Because I would like to leave now.”

“Sure, sure Akaashi! Let’s go!”

“And next time Bokuto-san, please refrain from picking me up. That is not necessary, I can take care of myself.”

“Aw I know you can, Akaashi! You’re all mature and stuff! But I just like spending time with you! And seeing your face in the morning will always brighten my day! Even if you aren’t exactly a morning person.” He teased.

He was met with Akaashi’s glare, though he knew it wasn’t really his glare. (Akaashi’s glare is something straight from hell, Bokuto swears. Its ice and a promise of death.)

“So sorry we can’t all like waking up early in the morning to a giant fiery ball of hell rising in the sky. We all aren’t like you Bokuto-san”

Bokuto knows, logically speaking even if he’s the least logic person ever, that he should be offended when Akaashi sasses him. Or should be annoyed with Akaashi’s sarcastic responses. But he isn’t. Which makes more sense, considering he isn’t a logical person.

But he considers it part of Akaashi. He knows Akaashi doesn’t mean any harm and there isn’t any malicious behind his words either. It’s like when Kuroo provokes people. He doesn’t mean any harm, he’s just joking.

So whenever he’s on the receiving side of Akaashi’s brutality, because let’s be honest the kid is a fucking savage when it comes to destroying people, he just rolls with it.

Because as mean as Akaashi can be, he is also very nice. He can build Bokuto back up in seconds or crumble him in moments. The fact that he chooses to build Bokuto up when he does instead of crumbling him makes those moments all the more pleasant.

“Akaashi! The sun is so pretty in the morning though! And it’s a new day, aren’t you excited at that?!”

“I rather freeze in Antarctica, Bokuto-san.”

“Akaashi! Well I’ll be your sun then and warm you up in the morning! Therefore I should walk you to school every day so I can be your sun!”

“Still rather freeze over in Antarctica.”

“Akaashi!”

At least he didn’t argue against the walking every morning comment. The little victories here and there, make Bokuto’s day a little bit brighter.

Oh. And that little smile on Akaashi’s face that reach his eyes and the way he looks like he’s trying to laugh. Yeah that makes the day look a little brighter too.

Maybe Akaashi is Bokuto’s sun then.

**. . .**

He isn’t looking forward to this at all, to be honest. But he said to Kuroo that he would do it and he’s right. It’s wrong to lead her around like this.

She deserves better than this. Hayashi Chizuko. Such a lovely name for a pretty girl. Long, black hair with bright brown eyes, she’s definitely a looker.

But Akaashi, with his effortless beauty, just looks even prettier somehow. His uncombed bed hair, looks softer and silkier than Chizuko-chan’s. And Akaashi’s narrow dark green or gray (he can’t decide) look more mysterious and beautiful.

And that’s when you know you don’t like a person anymore, if they don’t compare to someone else. Which leads him to here.

“Hi, Koutarou- kun! What’s up? You rarely show up during lunch now, I was wondering where you had gone!”

A pang of guilt hits him. He had been having his lunches with Akaashi in the first year classroom.

“Hi, Hayashi- san.” He figured that he might has well start there to clue her in. Man he’s not good with this.

“What’s with the name? We’re dating silly!-“ she said with a laugh, unaware of what’s about to happen.

“About that, Hayashi-san. I- I’m breaking up with you!” Short and simple. He rushed at the end, desperate to get this over with.

He lets the news set in, and when it does, he almost wishes he could take it all back. Her face shuts down and tears fill her eyes.

“Why? Is it something I did? Did I say something? Was I really such a terrible girlfriend? Is it because I’m not an omega? That’s it isn’t it? It has-“

“No! No! Not at all Hayashi-san! You were the perfect girlfriend, actually. This is more my fault to be honest. You were amazing and someone would be lucky to have you! I’m just not that someone.”

“I see. So you’ve found someone else I presume?” Taking his wince as her answer, she continues on, wiping her tears. “She must be something special, huh?” she finished with sad smile.

“Well-“

“Bokuto-san, we have a- oh. My apologies I didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t know you were busy with someone. Pardon the intrusion, but Bokuto-san when you’re finished please report to the club room for a short meeting. Sorry again for the interruption.” With a quick, but perfect bow, Akaashi turned to leave.

“Thanks Akaashi! I’ll be there in a second!”

“Shall I wait for you then?”

Heartwarming at the offer he called out, “You’re the best Akaashi!”

“Don’t be rude to the person you were talking to, Bokuto-san.” Oh, right. He was talking to Hayashi-san!

“Right, sorry Akaashi!” An exasperated sigh followed.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to Bokuto-san. I’ll give you some privacy though.”

“Oh right! Sorry Hayashi-san!” Turning back to the conversation at hand, he was surprised to see Hayashi-san’s eyes following Akaashi with a calculated glare.

“So it’s a guy? Him? Really Bokuto-kun?”

Bokuto flinched, having a feeling that he shouldn’t have been that insensitive and clue her on to who he liked.

“Haya-“

“No, no Bokuto-kun its fine. Go run along with your new first-year. Never expected you to like a boy though, especially one like that. Akaashi, right?”

Bokuto didn’t like where this was going at all. “What’s that supposed to mean? And what is it to you?”

A bitter laugh followed, causing Bokuto to flinch. “Nothing Bokuto, you were always a little dense. Just didn’t peg you to be a fag too. You always were a bit stupid and moody but you were hot. And you were nice enough, so I though why not? Why not date the idiot of a volleyball player? Not like he would leave me. But I was wrong. And nothing just the fact I didn’t assume you’d go for Akaashi. Quite a few rumors going on about that one.”

“Hayashi-“

Her words hurt for sure. He always thought he was bit slower than normal but to hear that the girl he liked thought so too? That hurt. And his mood swings weren’t easy he knew that but he tries not to burden other people!

“It’s nice of you to friend him. A little charity case huh? Friending the ice prince of the first years huh? His peers call him heartless, Bokuto. He shuts them all down, all forms of conversation. Even the girls. Did you know that?”

He didn’t. He didn’t know that people thought Akaashi was cold. Was heartless.

“Oh you didn’t did you? Well here it is. He’s mean, Bokuto-kun. He cuts people down in seconds, acting like he’s better than you. Than everyone really. He acts bored and never expresses any emotion at all. A robot, shuts out everyone. How long until you’re just like the rest of us huh?”

No. No. She’s wrong. She has to be wrong. Akaashi would never, right? Akaashi is nice and he cares. He wouldn’t do that to Bokuto, right?

“You were pretty dumb too. And man you were moody as hell. One minute you’re happy, next you’re a useless mess. Always sought praises from anyone though. First-year must kiss your ass, only reason you could be friends with him, right?”

He couldn’t even respond. He felt exposed, cut to the core.

“Bokuto-san.”

How long had Akaashi been there? Did he hear any of that? Bokuto hoped he didn’t.

“Bokuto- san why don’t you head down to the meeting? I’m sure everyone’s waiting for you. If you don’t mind that is, Hayashi-san.”

He knows. How else would he know her name? He heard everything.

Bokuto feels like he’s going to be sick. Akaashi’s tone is cold, unforgiving. Nothing like it was 5 minutes ago when he was bickering with Bokuto. The exasperated fondness is gone.

“Bokuto-san.”

He moves on auto-pilot. Walking away from Hayashi, failing to ignore the smug expression. He just remember looking up at Akaashi to see him looking at Hayashi. He has a detached look from his face, cold.

Is this what he looks like to everyone else? What happened to his friend? To Akaashi?

He doesn’t remember what they say in the meeting. His mind is gone, running and running. He doesn’t notice that Akaashi doesn’t show up to the meeting.

Bokuto doesn’t notice how much he fucked up with Akaashi until it’s too late really.

**. . .**

“Akaashi-kun, was it?”

Akaashi stiffened, moments away from accompanying Bokuto downstairs. Looks like that wasn’t happening. Coach will have his head later.

He ignores the voice in his head saying it’s that he just doesn’t want to face Bokuto now. Or maybe ever.

“Yes, Hayashi- san? May I help you?” He already knows the answer to this.

“So formal, I can see where Bokuto-kun got it from.” Ouch. Don’t let it show. “I just wanted to point out that Bokuto-kun didn’t refute any of my statements. He’s just taking pity on you Akaashi-kun.”

“Hayashi-san, right?” Upon seeing her nod, he continues. “I hope you’re satisfied with yourself. You just tore apart two people because of your own emotions. Does it make you feel better? Satisfied perhaps, is the right word? You cut one person down, just because they didn’t feel the same way? You ruin them, for the sake of something they can’t control?”

“Look here-“

“Bokuto-san didn’t mean to hurt you.” That shocked her to silence. “He couldn’t help the way he felt, neither could you. What makes him a better person than you right now, is that he didn’t take it out on other people. He truly wanted nothing more than for you to be happy.”

“And me? I don’t see what I did here, Hayashi-san. Steal your boyfriend? We are merely friends. Or perhaps were now. How does that makes you feel, Hayashi-san? I don’t have a quarrel with you, and I never did. But if you could, please refrain from talking to me again, I would appreciate it.”

“Have a nice day, Hayashi-san.” And with a quick, flawless bow Akaashi took his leave. And he didn’t look back, not even when she answered.

“You really are heartless, huh?”

“That, Hayashi-san, is how you cut someone down with words. I was simply demonstrating what you did to Bokuto-san and I. And if I am heartless then, what does that make you?”

A silence accompanied them.

“Excuse me.”

Akaashi would ignore the pain in his chest from Bokuto-san’s silence, ignore the hurtful words and the pain he caused. Were they ever friends? Bokuto-san was just taking pity on him?

He thought they were friends. But friends stand up for each other right? Akaashi has stood up for Bokuto-san before, even if he never told Bokuto-san. He defended him to the coach, the other players, even his own classmates.

And Bokuto-san knows he’s not heartless right? Earlier they were joking about it, Bokuto-san even said that he would be his sun.

Was this all a lie? Some act of pity? Hayashi-san’s words brings back the insecurity and doubts that plagued him from the beginning.

How stupid of himself. He took the pity, took the friend. All because Bokuto-san was nice. He had forgotten. Bokuto-san may not have looked like a threat, but oh how wrong had he been. He was a threat more dangerous than most even. He was dangerous because Akaashi let him in.

This is what happens when you trust someone.

He would ignore it all and do what he does best. He would move forward, because really? What other choice did he have?

Akaashi couldn’t think of any, so he simply continued on to the library. He can get some reading in, and later he could talk to the coach about the meeting.

Maybe if he’s lucky, the coach will even kick him off. But he doubts it, he’s their only setter when the 3rd year retires. Working with Bokuto-san is going to take some control now.

He smiles bitterly at the thought. He didn’t imagine it would hurt this much.

**. . .**

They still plague his mind. The thoughts still run through his mind.

He’s not so much hurt now. After he pushed away his emotions to the back corner of his mind (like he always does), because really they were just a nuisance, he was able to think this through logically.

Bokuto-san probably didn’t mean to take pity on him. He’s just a nice guy who was drawn to Akaashi because he was the setter when the 3rd years retired. If he wasn’t, Bokuto-san probably would have never became friends with him.

Are they friends? That’s still running through his head a bit, since he’s not sure. Logically they did everything friends do, but logic doesn’t really apply to Bokuto-san. However, Akaashi wouldn’t mind being friends with Bokuto-san.

Self-doubt and insecurity can really make life confusing.

Bokuto-san was probably just hurt and shocked at what his ex-girlfriend said to him. That’s probably why he didn’t defend Akaashi.

He hopes, at this point though, the pain once there was numbed. Maybe Bokuto-san thought he was heartless and cold, who knows.

Hayashi-san probably was just bitter.

They were just words after all. Not like many people would know that Akaashi wasn’t so cold or heartless. But maybe he is.

He honestly doesn’t know really what to do with this situation in all honesty. What to make of it, what to feel even.

Does he have a right to be upset with Bokuto-san? He doesn’t know. But he does know that he was hurt when Bokuto-san didn’t stand up for him.

Should he expect Bokuto-san to stand up for him? He assumed friends did that. Akaashi defended Bokuto-san because he knows that people have misconceptions about him.

Does Bokuto-san agree with what Hayashi-san said?

Not to mention, Hayashi-san. Bokuto-san broke up with his girlfriend because of him. That’s not something you should be necessarily proud of he thinks. And now people will be aware of Bokuto-san’s feelings towards him.

Which he still doesn’t really get. But Bokuto-san said that being friends for now was ok. So that’s all Akaashi is going to focus on.

So they’re friends? That doesn’t answer the question of ‘should he expect Bokuto-san to stand up for him?’ or ‘does he have a right to feel hurt at Bokuto-san’s silence?’

It’s not like he has anyone to ask. And can he explain what happened? Or is that not his information to tell?

Akaashi just doesn’t know. And he hates not knowing. 

(If he quit volleyball, would Bokuto-san still continue to be his friend?)

**. . .**

She didn’t mean to do this.

She swears upon her life, she didn’t mean to destroy this boy, who 2 years below her even, to the insanity of doubts. She didn’t mean to hurt Bokuto.

She was angry and upset. She thought she had it all, the amazing boyfriend and the fairy tale story of them rebelling against the stereotypes of alphas and omegas. Until it crumbled down.

She tried to be the best girlfriend to Bokuto. She dealt with his mood swings and his weird obsession with volleyball and owls. She smiled and acted pretty for this boy who she thought loved her.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t.

Bokuto would be ok though. He has friends to help him and won’t be too hurt. She apologized to him, explained everything and he comforted her with how it’s not her fault. It hurts and it will but she will move on.

But Akaashi-kun? Who does he have? Who will erase the doubts plaguing his mind? She wished she didn’t say anything now.

Bokuto doesn’t take pity on others. And she knows they really had a blossoming friendship, that Akaashi-kun actually really liked Bokuto and didn’t see him as a burden. She knows he doesn’t suck up to Bokuto.

So why did she say it?

He’s confused. She wished she didn’t say anything, because he’s colder than normal. It’s a punch in the gut to see him in the library afterschool. She knows they have volleyball practice. And yet here he is.

Sitting alone in a corner with nothing in front of him. He’s just sitting there, staring at nothing. So she sits next to him and sees his face up close, without the bitterness this time.

And she can’t blame Bokuto, because he is a looker and she thinks he’s an omega to boot. But there isn’t a smell, so beta maybe?

“Can I help you Hayashi-san?” Cold, cutting. They weren’t rumors when they said he was so cold. But she refuses to believe it, not when she heard that fondness in his voice when he was talking to Bokuto.

“I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was rude and wrong. I apologize, I was hurt when Bokuto broke up with me, but that doesn’t excuse my harsh words. I can see I did some damage…But I want you to know that the words from earlier were false.”

“Hayashi-san its fine. I apologize for my rudeness earlier and my inexcusable behavior to an upper-class man. I’m aware that the words you said were out of hurt and not truthfulness.”

He really is perfect, isn’t he? Proper and crisp apology along with blunt reassurance. It might be more convincing if his voice wasn’t so cutting or cold, though. But perhaps it’s his nature.

The memory of his voice lit with a barely there warmth that soothed the biting cold when talking to Bokuto was still fresh in her memory though. With that in mind she finds the courage to ask.

“Then why might I ask, are you in here and not in volleyball practice with Bokuto?” He tenses slightly until he relaxes and gives her a cool look.

“Excuse me, Hayashi-san, for my rudeness once more, but I would prefer in fact if you did not ask that question. It is not your concern so please do not worry over it.”

Ah, so polite even though he’s basically telling her to fuck off? Well, well.

“My apologies, but I think-“

“With all due respect, Hayashi-san, I am not asking for what you think nor your advice. This is not your concern. I can deal with it on my own. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but it is not your concern again. If you may, excuse me.”

“Bokuto does consider you to be his friend and-!”

“Hayashi-san you’re going to get in trouble for being too loud. I’m aware that Bokuto-san considers us friends and so do I. That, however is not bothering me. I’m merely questioning the tests of friendship, because as you have pointed out, my peers think I am heartless.”

She winces at the jab.

“That does not leave much room for friendship, so I am unaccustomed to it and the expectations that arrive with it. I am uncertain whether or not I should be hurt if Bokuto-san doesn’t stand up for me, or if I should even expect him to. I am not mad at Bokuto-san by any means. And I will repeat again that I don’t have a quarrel with you.”

“Akaashi-kun-“

“The reason I am not attending volleyball practice is because I would not be able to focus with these matters nor am I aware of how I should act around Bokuto-san.”

Finally he turns to her and there is emotion in his eyes for once. He wears a sad smile, and his shoulders sag with an invisible weight. His words are heavy.

“I am merely confused and unsure. Doubt, however is not foreign. Hayashi-san.”

“Goodnight Hayashi-san, I hope that answers your questions.”

And then he turned and didn’t look back. He didn’t hesitate or falter. He was again, an untouchable, detached being.

Yet his shoulders still sagged.

**. . .**

“Bokuto-san.”

“Akaashi! There you are? Hey why weren’t you at practice today? Is it because of what happened with Hayashi-san because I really am sorry about that! I was shocked at her words and she apologized already so-“

“Bokuto-san, please breathe you are turning red. And no I am not upset. I was merely thinking over some things is all. Coach was aware that I wouldn’t be attending. And ah, here is what we went over in the meeting.”

“Akaashi! How did you know I didn’t pay attention??”

“I’m aware of somethings, I’d like to think.”

“Akaashi? Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Actually Bokuto-san, there are a few things I would like to talk to you about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be closing the vote soon! Please let me know what you think! Also let me know what you think about the chapter please!!
> 
> 1.) Don't Change It (4)  
> 2.) Help Heal Me   
> 3.) Heal What I Can't - (3)  
> 4.) My Remedy - 1  
> 5.) Healing Scars   
> 6.) Distant Memories and Fading Scars - (6)  
> 7.) Forget, Heal, Trust, Love   
> 8.) Other (comment)


	6. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Akaashi talk and figure stuff out. 
> 
> Somehow they both end of planning to stay at Kuroo's for a weekend. 
> 
> But it's a step forward for Akaashi and he is willing to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the late, late chapter. Like it's been what 3 months, guys?   
> (PLEASE READ END NOTE)
> 
> Life got hectic and still is a mess actually. But I decided let's just type this up since I got a 2 hour delay today and it's 2 am regardless, go figure. At least I get more sleep. 
> 
> This chapter just happened, it isn't proofread or anything. I am half asleep and yeah. Sorry if this chapter stinks guys.  
> Let me know of the error too, I'll edit them later!
> 
> I must thank you for the support I received for this guys! I mean, wow over 200 kudos and over 2,000 hits!! Like I was shocked when I realized that! Thank you so much!

Bokuto was confused, not like that wasn’t normal. But he was still confused, and it upset him. He finally thought he was understand something.

He thought he was finally understanding Akaashi.

He gets that Akaashi can be cold. He realizes that now. How he reacts to his classmates, teachers, anyone really. He’s cold, detached and heartless. He sees that now.

But he remembers warm, hidden smiles and a voice coated with laughter and happiness. Exasperated fondness, sarcasm and sass appear in his mind. Memories of team practices, improvement, and late practices in the gym just the two of them. He thinks of Akaashi’s encouraging words, that he states like facts and the effort he puts into Bokuto. And when that happens, he has to think why anyone would call Akaashi cold or heartless.

He thought that Akaashi was just distant and his personality was just, well like Akaashi. Now he doesn’t know what to think.

He guesses he was always aware of the classmate thing, but never gave it real thought. But he notices how no one bothered them at lunch, or how they never even approached Akaashi. He can’t remember Akaashi ever mentioning a classmate or anything.

He can understand why people think Akaashi is cold, distant and heartless. But he isn’t, Bokuto knows he isn’t, but he was able to warm the icy demeanor and cold heart. He doesn’t know how, but he knows he did it.

But Bokuto is even more confused than ever. He doesn’t know what to think of Akaashi.

He knows something happened to Akaashi, he knows he flinches at movement sometimes, or that he doesn’t like physical contact too much, or that being alone with people freak him out sometimes no matter how much he tries not to let it show. He knows something happened to cause Akaashi’s behavior and reactions.

But he doesn’t know the most important thing, the cause of all it. Bokuto thinks if he knows that, then everything would make more sense. It may take time, but he’s okay with that.

Akaashi can tell him when he is ready to, in the meantime Bokuto just has to be his friend, right? And he thought they were making progress, really. But just as Bokuto knows some things, that also means he doesn’t know a lot.

When the Hayashi-san thing happened, everything kind of got messed up. But she apologized, and Bokuto was able to clear his head.

But then Akaashi didn’t come to practice and that was when he realized Akaashi didn’t come to the meeting either. And he realized that maybe Akaashi was upset.

He means, he didn’t stand up for Akaashi really even though he knew that Hayashi was wrong. And he knows he should have, knows that the words probably hit Akaashi hard.

But he didn’t know the severity of it, he guesses.

So when Akaashi shows up after practice, to say he was surprised was an understatement. He was surprised and slightly happy but mostly confused.

And then he wanted to talk and Bokuto agreed because they should really talk.

But then Akaashi was speaking and Bokuto realized how little of Akaashi he really knew.

“Should I be upset with you Bokuto-san?”

What. Wait what?? “Huh?”

“I’m asking Bokuto-san, if I should be upset with you that you didn’t stand up for me when talking to Hayashi-san. Or if I should have been hurt when you didn’t. Do I have a right to feel upset and hurt? I’m aware that friends usually stand up for each other, I believe. Forgive me, but I have limited knowledge of friendships, as I am typically cold and heartless. So should I expect you to stand up for me? Is that what friends do, or is it in special situations? Are we even friends, exactly or are you just pitying me?”

“Whoa whoa, hold on Akaashi, give me a second to respond.” Bokuto was a little overwhelmed to say the least. He tried to answer Akaashi’s questions one by one.

“Ok, one I don’t know if you should feel hurt or upset as those are your emotions, but you have a right to at least. I should have said something back there, and for that I am really sorry! Friends do stand up for each other, and I know I should have but I was really overwhelmed then! Sorry, but I didn’t expect that from Hayashi-san, but I’ll stick up for you next time, promise Akaashi!”

“And you aren’t heartless Akaashi! Sure maybe cold and stuff but you laugh and are nice to me! So I know you’re not! And yeah, I should stand up for because that’s what good friends do! No matter what! And of course we’re friends Akaashi! I would never pity you!”

“Would you still be my friend if I quit volleyball then?” The question was asked with all seriousness, and hung in the air for a minute.

“…Akaashi, do you really think so low of me? We’re friends, right?”

His words were slow and careful, so unlike Bokuto that Akaashi felt weird that he made Bokuto like that. “No, of course not Bokuto-san and yes I consider us friends. My apologies it was a stupid question-“

“Akaashi.” At that Akaashi fell silent and turned away from Bokuto. When he turned back, he refused to meet Bokuto’s eyes.

“Sorry about that Bokuto-san.”

“Sorry? What for?” At this Bokuto seemed genuinely confused. “There is nothing to be sorry about Akaashi. I’m glad you said something about what’s bothering you.”

“Really?” At this, Akaashi was meeting Bokuto’s eyes.

“Of course, do you not talk about things that bother you with other people Akaashi?”

The person in question seemed to be uncomfortable by the question, making Bokuto hurry to try and take it back before Akaashi responded.

“No I don’t.”

Bokuto didn’t know how to respond to that really, so he just stayed silent and let Akaashi continue.

“As I have said before, friendships are new for Bokuto-san. I have not had one for many years and have not confined to anyone in a long time. My personality is too cold for that and I rather keep it that way if I am being honest.”

“When was your last friend, Akaashi?”

“Hm. Probably around when I was 7 really. Not counting you, of course Bokuto-san.” It was said with nonchalance like it was normal, like he was commenting on something that didn’t matter like the sky was blue or something.

But since he was 7? Bokuto could hardly believe it. Who did he talk to? His parents?

“What about your parents?”

“Ah.” He looked away again. “My parents are often busy with their work and away on trips. They haven’t been home since I was around 9 years old I think.”

Bokuto suddenly felt bad. Akaashi has been alone for many years now, with no one to talk to. But Bokuto doesn’t pity him for that because he knows Akaashi is strong and can handle that. Bokuto feels bad because he suddenly understands now.

Akaashi is probably swimming in a pool of doubt and uncertainty. And when Bokuto didn’t refute any of Hayashi-san’s comments, he must have been hurt and uncertain as to why. And he didn’t even notice.

He berates himself for that one. Akaashi _is_ like ice, cold and fragile. He cracks and shatters easily but is cold enough to avoid getting close enough for people to do so. But just like ice, he melts easily into water, cool and calm.

Bokuto thinks he gets it now. Really, Akaashi is cold and warm but most importantly, Akaashi is human. He isn’t some ice prince or something that can be solved easily. He is a person with faults and complications like everyone else.

So that’s why he smiles and just asks “Hey Akaashi, let’s get some ice pops, ok? My treat!”

He sees Akaashi’s head look over at him, tilting slightly. His eyes are open, warm even, with curiosity and confusion. He’s human.

This sole realization is mind-changing. Akaashi is human, and he is allowed to make mistakes. It makes him more approachable and just overall more… easy to know. He isn’t some god that Bokuto puts on a pedestal, but a person he can know.

Akaashi is his friend, after all.

“May I inquire as to where this sudden request came from, Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto grins, “Nothing! Just wanted to get some ice pops for my favorite under-classman!” And maybe get to know you, but Bokuto doesn’t say that.

Contrary to popular belief he does have some control.  

“I’m surprised you remembered your wallet, Bokuto-san,” is the response he receives.

“Akaashi! Of course I did!” Bokuto squawks, offended. Akaashi gives him an unimpressed stare.

“Bokuto-san you once forgot the key to your house in your house.”

“Yeah but my parents were home, so it wasn’t a big deal!”

“Ah aren’t your parents away right now?” Bokuto grins, happy Akaashi remembered such a small detail about himself. And that he listens to Bokuto babble, which he admittedly does often.

“Yep! My mom and dad went away for my dad’s work, since he needed to do some research for a case and my mom went with him. I couldn’t because of school though,” he pouted at that. “But! They come home tomorrow!” Tomorrow was Saturday, so they won’t have school.

“Ah that’s wonderful to hear. Do you have your keys today, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi teased with a faint smirk on his face as they continued to walk.

“Of course I do, Akaashi! See? I have them right….”

Bokuto began panicking, because he couldn’t find his keys. Searching frantically, he realized he must have… “I think I left in my house again.”

Shit! What was he going to do? His parents weren’t home this time!! His door was locked, the one time he actually remembered to lock it for crying out loud, and he forgot his keys so now he has to sleep on a park bench and he’s going to freeze to death and he doesn’t know if its winter yet because he isn’t a weather dude and oh no “I’m going to die on a park bench because I’m not a weather dude!”

“Bokuto-san it’s autumn, there aren’t any park benches nearby, and you aren’t going to die. I don’t know how a weather man, I think you mean a meteorologist, has anything to do you’re your death, but please calm down.”

“Akaashi you’re so smart!”

Akaashi on the other hand was having a melt down inside. He could invite Bokuto-san over since he couldn’t go home. It was a simple, obvious and logical conclusion that Bokuto-san should stay over and then tomorrow he could return home when his parents arrived home.

Except for the fact that Akaashi has a gigantic fear of alphas even if he got used to Bokuto-san. (Bokuto-san once cried over the fact that he killed a fly, Akaashi found him relatively harmless after that, ok, who wouldn’t?) And that he usually ends up having nightmare and his terrible case of insomnia keeps him up till goodness knows when. Not to mention that he hasn’t invited anyone over his house since he doesn’t even remember, it was so long ago. And who knows what memories might pop up from HAVING AN ALPHA IN HIS HOUSE.

So you know, besides those minor, minor facts, there was no reason why he should have Bokuto-san just sleep over his house.

Well just because Akaashi can’t have him over his house, doesn’t mean Bokuto-san can’t go over one of his sane and normal friend’s house, right?

“Bokuto-san, why don’t you call Kuroo-san (I believe that’s his name) and ask to stay over there? If it’s really far you can even spend the weekend, since we have Monday off.”

“Oh! Kuroo, I could totally do that, his mom loves me! You’re a genius, Akaashi!”

“So I have been told.”

But Bokuto-san was already on the phone with said friend, “HEY! HEY! HEY! Kuroo! Dude I locked myself out my house and my parents are gone but Akaashi suggested I come over there for the weekend, can I? Your mom loves me so I don’t think she’ll mind but Kenma might. I swear I’ll try not to- huh? What? Uh yeah he is. Ok!”

And then Bokuto-san was shoving the phone at him, yelling “IT’S KUROO SAY HI” and then he was running off saying he had to get clothes and wait right there Akaashi.

And then he was gone. With a sigh, Akaashi put the phone up to his ear.

“Hello? Kuroo-san?”

“Ah is this Akaashi?”

“Yes, that would be I. What can I do for you?”

“Straight to the point, I see. Alright, mind explaining to me, why Bokuto is coming over to my house?” Kuroo-san had a smooth, somewhat deep voice. Pleasant, Akaashi guessed. More subdued than Bokuto-san for sure.

“Bokuto-san-”

“No way, you actually call him ‘Bokuto-san’?!” Ignoring Kuroo-san’s remark, Akaashi continued on without pause.

“Bokuto-san has forgotten his keys again, thus locking himself out. His parents are not returning until tomorrow night, so he has no way of entering his house. I merely suggested that he could spend it at a friend’s and he promptly called you.”

“Oh I see, the stupid owl. Alright, why doesn’t he just go over to your house?” Ah the million dollar question, huh? Kuroo-san seemed quite intelligent and observant. Akaashi would have to be careful. Debating on how he should answer, he merely replied with:

“It’s Bokuto-san, I’m afraid I cannot explain half of his actions. Right now I believe he is retrieving his stuff to say over your house.”

“Believe?”

“That is what he yelled to me, before shoving his phone into my hand and running off, yes. Since I have his phone I cannot ask him to make sure, I apologize. He did say he will be back soon.”

“Hey, hey it’s cool. Aw man, do you think you could come with him? You can stay over with him, my mom won’t mind and we got the room. I rather not have him take the train himself though. I’m afraid he might get lost or get off at the wrong station.”

Now this was a dilemma. Akaashi had finished his school work prior, since he was quite ahead of the class. He also didn’t have any plans and his parents were in England until future notice. But he had a feeling…

“Kuroo-san, excuse the rude question, but are by any chance an alpha? Like Bokuto-san?”

“Yeah, why?” Kuroo-san’s tone was curious but light in a forced way. He seemed like the type to provoke people.

“Mere curiosity is all. Bokuto-san doesn’t seem like the type to befriend omegas is all. He’s very loud that way, I suppose. It’s not bad though.” He lied smoothly enough.

“Ah yeah I guess that’s true. Oh, that’s right! You’re an omega, right?”

“I was not aware Bokuto-san conversed about me. I’m honored.”

“Pfftt yeah. So you coming? Kenma will be here too, most likely if you’re wondering too. He’s an omega like you if that helps.”

It did. Immensely.

“Yes it would be nice to have an omega around as well. Forgive me but being with two alphas, one unknown would be very...overwhelming to anyone I think.”

“Nah I get you. Well I guess I’ll see you soon? I’ll text Bo the directions or actually can I send them to you?”

“If you would be so kind to send them to Bokuto, I could forward them to myself, yes.”

“Hehehe, don’t trust me enough with your number? Alright, alright I’ll send them over.”

“Thank you, goodbye.”

And with that he hung up.

What the fuck did he just get himself into? God, or whatever power in this world, please help him. He’s going to need it.

**. . .**

Akaashi thinks that he trusts Bokuto-san now. Which is ridiculous really. But as he stood and waited for Bokuto-san to return, he thought and realized that over the past couple of months, they had developed a routine somewhat.

Bokuto-san would pick him up in the morning, despite insisting that he didn’t need to, and then they would set out together to school.

From there they either split if they didn’t have morning practice or prepared for morning practice together.

During lunch, Bokuto-san would always come to his classroom and they would go to the roof to eat. Bokuto-san would always be hungry after his one, and then Akaashi would give him the one he prepared for him last night. (He just realized he made another bento for Bokuto instinctively without thought)

Then they would continue with class, go through volleyball practice, stay for extra practice, and then go home. Sometimes when they didn’t have practice, Akaashi would tutor Bokuto-san in the library in Math and History, two subjects he struggled in the most.

But they constantly spent time together. Because they were friends. Such an odd and foreign concept really. Him? Friends? He never really gave it much thought. But he enjoyed Bokuto-san’s company. With him, Akaashi didn’t feel like an omega, and Bokuto-san frankly didn’t seem like an alpha.

They were comfortable together. Akaashi liked it like that. It was…nice.

He doesn’t think Bokuto-san would hurt him intentionally, not like _him._ He just doesn’t think Bokuto-san could nor would.

He doesn’t know what to do with this feeling. Like at all frankly. Should he be more on guard or is it ok to trust Bokuto-san? For once in his life, Akaashi wished he had more friends so he could ask for help on such a mess. He obviously couldn’t explain this to Bokuto-san, but that left no one now.

He wanted it to be ok. He wanted for himself to be ok.

Really, he really wished for it. But he suppose it was time to stop wishing and to start making it happen.

So he was going to stay at Kuroo-san’s hose because he was Bokuto-san’s friend. And if Bokuto-san says he’s a good alpha then he trusts Bokuto-san on it. At least that’s what he had in mind but. Changing one’s mindset is not easy.

So for now he would focus on him going to Kuroo-san’s house. And the train ride with Bokuto-san. But he could do it, he knows he can.

So he will.

It was a step towards not overthinking for once. Instead he’ll just do, regardless of consequences. Because he can and he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you all for reading and the support I receive on this!   
> Let me know of errors too, please! And feedback is always welcomed, I will always respond to comments! 
> 
> Here are the results of the poll!:   
> Winner: Distant Memories and Fading Scars with 6 votes!  
> Don't change it with 5 votes  
> Heal what I can't with 3 votes  
> And My Remedy with 2 
> 
> **Note we have a lovely title of "Paper Cranes" suggestion by xXxRogueYaoiGirlxXx because "Cranes tend to represent maternal love and happiness. Also, since paper rips easily that can represent how fragile it really is and how it needs to be cherished." IF YOU WANT THAT AS A TITLE, VOTE AND I'LL TALLY IT AND MAKE THE CHANGES IF NECESARRY. 
> 
> Thanks to all that voted! I really enjoy including you guys in my stories so I have A NEW POLE GUYS!!  
> In this story, who do you want Kuroo to be with? Kenma or Tsukishima?   
> 1.) Kuroo/ Kenma  
> 2.) Kuroo/ Tsukishima   
> VOTE NOW!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and leave kudos!
> 
> This will also be crossposted on Fanfic.net and wattpad.


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